Last week was a tough week, a really tough week. Experiencing the death of Natalie’s grandmother and seeing how the family dealt with the loss of a woman who had been a central figure in 
their lives was a very challenging and emotional task. By the end of the week I was fried…physically and emotionally. So I decided to take the weekend off and recharge my batteries.
But I promised myself that on Monday morning I would come back to life and hit the ground running. SO this morning I set the alarm clock extra early and when it went off I decided to go for a walk in the crisp cool air.
As I was walking around thinking about all of the things I wanted to accomplish this week and what I would be talking about in the smarter dating community, I had a thought flash (Note***thought flash is the term I use when I have moments of divine inspiration/guidance).
As I looked down at the ground I saw the headline of today’s paper jumping out at me. It read…”Cleared for Takeoff”.
I immediately thought of all the members of our Smarter Dating community who continue to struggle in their love lives. And I thought back to that time, several years ago where I continued to struggle. My relationship to my ex-fiancee was “cancelled” and there was a part of me that wasn’t thrilled about getting back on a plane again. That relationship crashed and burned and the last thing I wanted to do was go “flying” again.
I was tired of all the delays. I was tired of investing my time, energy and money only to find out I would never arrive at the destination I was really looking for.
Internally I had a hesitation about “flying” again. But there was a voice inside of me that KNEW if I gave up I would never find what I was really looking for.
And if you’re reading this there is a part of you that may be a lil hesitant as well. Maybe you’ve had your luggage lost? Maybe you were hoping to go to Disneyworld but once you landed you found out you were in Detroit.
Or even worse…you were on the “flight” of your dreams…everything was going great, you were having the time of your life. You were envisioning how great life would be once “you landed” but then, out of the blue the engine exploded and the plane crashed and burned, leaving you emotionally scarred. It took all of your strength just to survive the crash, right?
of course these examples are metaphors but they’re all similar to your love life aren’t’ they?
Well, the good news is that no matter how bad things may have been. No matter how bad the hurt has been….you SURVIVED!
No matter how bad things got…YOU SURVIVED! and that in and of itself is a cause for celebration.
And yes, getting back a “plane” again may scare the crap out of you. You wouldn’t be human if it didn’t.
But the one thing I have noticed that differentiates those who go on to have the great relationships is that they find the inner strength to get back on the plane and take another chance.
Because at the end of the day once you land at your heart’s destination all of those unhappy & fulfilling trips….Don’t Matter! They become nothing but funny and embarrassing memories and stories to look over and laugh at.
So, if today’s blog hits home realize the the only thing you need to do from here is to give yourself permission to take off! and once you do…get back on a plane. Just make sure you check out the airline before you buy a ticket!
And if you still find you’re stuck and are having a hard time letting go I invite you to post your questions or comment below.
We’re here to help!
Much Love,
joe
Hi Jennifer,
First of all I want to thank you and acknowledge you for opening up and sharing your experience. I know there are lots of women who have experienced the same, if not similar situations.
That being said, since you asked for my input here it goes:
First of all I’d like you to define “LOVE”. What is your definition of LOVE.
I think all of the facts with your ex (and his now wife) speak for themself.
It is clear you have a new man who cares about you but if you want to have a happy, healthy and fulfilling relationship it is imperative you deal with the emotions of the past.
You must learn how to “accept” what has happened and you must learn to leave it in the past. Carrying around the events of the past are not allowing yourself to be open to receiving the love form this new guy.
And try as he may to get through, if you don’t open yourself up and allow him in, this will lead to problems down the road.
Everyone has a past and for most of us that past sucks. But that past can be a valuable learning experience that you can use to move forward and have the relationship you really desire…and deserve.
You will know you are ready for a healthy relationship when you can look at your ex (and your past) and be grateful for the lesson it was meant to show you.
If the guy you are with is the right guy by opening up to him and allowing him to help you take down your walls your relationship will soar to new heights. If however, you don’t open up or you open up and you do lose him, he (the new guy) is simply showing you that he is not the right man for you.
Is it scary? Hell Yeah! That is what makes REAL LOVE so wonderful when you do get it. In order to have a great relationship you must make yourself somewhat vulnerable. You must take the chance that you may be hurt again. But the good news is when you do find real LOVE, you will be so grateful that you took the chance.
The quality of your relationship is directly related to the quality of your choices and decisions (including those you don’t make).
You can not have a healthy relationship if you keep secrets.
You might want to take some time to start looking in the mirror and start dealing with some of the things you ahve been running from. I’m sure if you do you will look back and realize that doing so allowed you to open up to the type of love you really wanted all along.
I wish you the best!
Much Love,
joe
Hi Joe,
Love reading your blog and your analogy of taking off! My life has been blessed…I have a wonderful family(became a “Nonna” last year! so great) and I have just a wonderful network of friends. Of course, I’m missing that one thing in my life and that is someone to share it with.
I continue to struggle with a situation that seems to ‘surface’ just when I least expect it. I was in a long term relationship for 8 years with an individual who had an insatiable appetite for women. One time that I know of…numerous other times that I could never put my finger on. I walked away 5 years ago with no regrets….took me awhile to get back on that plane but I did it or so I thought! And the reason I say that is because this individual has been trying to “weasel” his way back into my life. And we have been “running” into one another more often than before. He is actually living with someone….a woman who he was seeing when we were together. I’ve told him no and that I have moved on but this last time when I saw him, I was out with some friends listening to music and having some wine and he did everything that he could that evening, to get my attention and didn’t seem to care about anything else!
I could ramble on and on about my story but at the end of the day, I can’t help but feel like there is this “emotional” tug with him. I would never in a million years dream of starting anything but I wonder….I know I’m “allowing” these thoughts to cloud my mind and I just wonder when I will ever truly move on.
So how to get back on that plane again that has been “diverted” for me somewhere south???? LOL
Would love a guys point of view…..thanks so much!
Melanie
Hey there I’ve just come across your website, I’ll tell you my story I would love your feedback on it. My first love really broke my heart we were together for 4 years and had a kid together, I had post natal depression after the baby and I needed his support which he could not give so I ended things and tried to convince myself I didn’t love him anymore, I started seeing another guy for about a year but realised I was using him as a rebound and ended that relationship. My ex started seeing someone new which really hurt so I told him I wanted to get back together he said if I had told him earlier then he would have so we left it go but at my sons birthday party we kissed and I thought he was changing his mind. We met up and spoke about getting back together he said he needed to think so I left him to it, I wrote him a letter telling him how much I loved him and wanted him back and he told me he couldn’t get back together that he didn’t want to hurt his new girlfriend. So one drunken night I phoned him and he told me to come to his house, we slept together and his girlfriend walked in and caught us the next morning. She beat me up and also him, eventually I got out of the house and my ex rang me to say that it was a mistake and we shouldn’t even be friends. I was heartbroken, he cut all contact with me he tried to blame it all on me saying i just walked into his house and into his bed. He also gave the letter i wrote him to his girlfriend and told her i was crazy to get back together i poured my heart out in that letter and he just used it as an excuse to blame it all on me. He is married to this girl now and they have kids they have made my life a misery for a few years through the courts trying to make out to be a bad mother. But i got through it i got over it its been 5 years since it happened i closed myself off from everyone and put on a lot of weight i didn’t have sex ir even kiss anyone for 3 years then one day i had enough i lost all the weight and also alot of the baggage i was carrying around i started to get out more and meet guys i was really enjoying myself but could never let anyone get too close which got in the way. I’ve now met a wonderful man who is a total gentleman he spoils me but I’m still being guarded and he has given me no reason to be i feel like im going to ruin this and i really don’t want to because im really falling for him. He is the nicest man I’ve ever met and I don’t want to lose him. So why can’t I let my guard down and tell him how I feel?? He doesn’t know anything about my past. He told me the other night that he finds me very difficult to figure out me out i asked him what he meant but he didn’t speak any further about it. I don’t want to lose him please help…