In today’s post you will learn the 3 major signs which indicate if a guy is emotionally available and ready for a relationship…with YOU!
Thank you so much for your response to Miriam’s question. Your words were so perfect for me at this exact moment.
I have been wasting time and energy on a man that I am so into, yet he always disappoints me by flaking out, etc. His signals are so mixed and confusing to me. I knew I needed to just forget about him and move on, but i was having trouble doing so. Somehow your words really hit home with me.
I saved your response in my “favorites” and will read it every time I start to think about him again.
Thank you so much Joe, it was very helpful!
Mariam, the best advice I can give you is to get crystal clear on what YOU want and how you want to be treated by a guy.
Do you want a guy who only texts, does not keep his agreements and isn’t there physically for you?
if so, continue down this path. if you want to wait around and hope this guy steps up and acts like the man you REALLY want/desire and you want to be the one to help save him form his past/pain then by all means, knock yourself out.
I’m a big believer that when the “right” guy comes along he will consistently show you by his actions that he wants to be with you (and enjoys being with you)
Can a square peg fit into a round hole…absolutely! But it usually take a ton of work and even when it does fit it doesn’t feel right.
YOU are responsible for the results of YOUR choices and decisions.
I never tell people what to do (unless it is obvious that they are in inherent danger) b/c I’ve learned a long time ago that human beings, including myself, have to learn the hard way.
Before I met NAtalie I told myself that I was done w/the games and the woman who could not give me what I needed.
That one decision gave me so much clarity and focus. I simply say back and allowed the woman to show me if she was the kind of woman I wanted to be in a relationship with.
I believe the only reason dating and relationships are difficult is b/c WE MAKE THEM SO!
In your gut you know what is right for you. Only YOU get to decide if this guy and the way he is treating you (or not treating you) is worth your time and energy.
I suggest you go back & read your e-mail again and simply ask yourself this one question:
“Based on this guy’s consistent actions, is he showing you that he values and appreciates you and is he capable of giving you what you NEED in order for you to be happy?”
Remember the red flags are always there…it’s simplly a matter of if we choose to see them.
I meet a guy over a month ago through friends, since then we have been in contact only through text. He got out of a very long relationship over a year ago and he told me that he is ok and his life is much better. he asked me to go out and hang out for the first time and that day He forgot that he had asked me out so i was really upset but he really was sorry, so I gave him another chance we start texting, its almost a week since what happend but he hasn’t asked me out to meet. I really don’t know what is going on? I don’t know if we should keep texting and give him more time or I should ask him out and clear up and ask him what he is looking for and what he wants from our relationship? some of my friend say that he is not ready and he just wants to keep you on hold, some say that I should back off and don’t answer his texts, some say meet with him and ask him what he wants, some say that I should give him more time because he’s still hurting and isn’t ready but he likes me.
I need some advice.
Thank you Joe! You give the best on point advice out of all the “experts”!
Thank you, Joe. I appreciate you responding to my little ‘dilemma’ so quickly.
What’s funny is that I did not think my ex was all that attractive when I met him, and actually, he’s not the tall, dark, handsome kind at all. I would describe him close to ‘average’ at best, not what I would usually go for or be attracted to. But, he was a big charmer… charismatic, and cocky/confident… a sexiness to him. He basically wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer with me and pursued me relentlessly. Then once I was hooked, the cheating, manipulative behaviors slowly started to creep in. It was a ‘toxic’ relationship, most of the time. Which is why most of 2012… I worked on my exit strategy, and left when I found out he was cheating, again. I was disappointed, especially because all the while he was ‘pretending’ to be a good boyfriend and make up for past ‘bad’ behavior. Even though I felt duped, again. I was able to put it all into perspective, used my head instead of my heart/emotions… and got out, and never looked back.
Thank you for mentioning ‘mourning’ the relationship. I felt like I was working through that before it was finally ‘over’. Perhaps, I still have some mourning to do! because honestly, I don’t think it matters how attractive a man may seem to me, I’m finding it still difficult to come up with the urge to be intimate with another man yet. When we’ve had a little break-up during the 6 years… that was never an issue for me, until now. Maybe because the ‘finality’ of the relationship? whereas, before… I knew, we’d probably get back together… I would date and the urge to be intimate was there. It’s not now. I don’t get it! Grrrr! I am so confused.
It’s possible that I may be picky, but yet I have dated men that were ‘average’ looking, at best.. but something about them… was attractive to me. And those relationships never worked. It’s making me a little nervous.. because I realize they were all pretty much ‘unavailable’, emotionally. So, what is that saying about me? The one man I mentioned who’s genuinely a ‘good’ guy… he’s no more attractive really, than my ex….? Ughhh!!!
Out of all of this confusion, I can honestly, and happily say that I am continuing to move on, the best I can and enjoy my life. I’m thinking… 4 months should be good enough to begin dating again… but, maybe not.? I just want that ‘desire’ for other men to come back. I literally freeze up if another man gets too physically close to me. It’s crazy. I still don’t get it. But, hopefully it doesn’t last much longer…
Thanks again, Joe. And if you have any more insight as to what the heck this is about… please feel free to comment
Thanks for the question. it seems like there m,ay be a couple of things going on here.
First of all you state that you are only a few months out of a 6 year relationship? Do you feel that you have had enough time to mourn your relationship and to be completely over it. The death of a relationship is equivalent to the death of a loved one and for some individuals it often can be worse. Death is a “natural progression” of the life cycle but for some individuals the death of a relationship is often much harder to accept.
secondly, it seems that you had a high level of attraction for your “ex” and you are holding your new guy to that standard. Remember this you may have had a high level of attraction but how well did that relationship work out for you? Physical attraction is simply one piece of the relationship puzzle. I strongly believe that a person must be attracted to their partner on some level, the challenge for many individuals is that they have this unrealistic level of attraction that borders more on infatuation than it does on attraction. Are you not attracted to the new guy because you are comparing him to your ex? Or are you not attracted to him because “it’s just not there”?
I think that a person can “grow” on you and you can become more attracted to them as time goes on (I am much more attracted to my wife now than when we first met, b/c my love for her has grown stronger and as a result she has become even more beautiful to me). But the bottom line is there must be some basic level of attraction there to start with.
You should never feel terrible for expressing your feelings. You like what you like. But the key for you is to do some soul searching and to ask yourself…”is this really about me not being attracted to the new guy or is there something else going on beneath the surface.”
You also might want to look at your track record. Do you have a history of dating guys where you were really attracted to them, but who ultimately did not/could not give you the type of relationship you wanted? If so, it sounds like you may be a lil too picky.
At the end of the day it is important for you to decide what it is you really want. Once you are clear on what it is you want, you will be able to understand if the guy you are with is the right or wrong guy for you.
Hope this helps!
Im having an issue with feeling real attraction to men that I’ve dated since my ex and I have called it quits 4 months ago, we were together for 6 years. I was attracted to my ex, and comfortable with him, but we were just too incompatible to stay together. I accept that. I’m moving on… Not angry or sad. I’m happy. There’s one man in particular that I dated for 2 months, genuinely nice guy, I have fun when I’m with him. I am attracted to him as a person, and who he is, his character, etc. I’m just not that sexually/physically attracted to him. If I was, I’d say this is ‘the one’. I feel terrible for saying that. It makes me mad about the attraction… And we still talk as friends, and like him a lot… Is it possible for that attraction to kick in at some point? I’ve never experienced this before. Any advice appreciated . Thank you!
Thanks, Joe. Very helpful, as ever.
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