Below is an e-mail sent in by one of the members of our community? Have you ever in been in her position? if so, what advice or input would you give her?
I just ended a 6 months relationship before I read your post. I’ve been watching your videos in the past and always agree with what you think. My situation is.. I was with a man who was devoted, caring and super affectionate with me. He was crazily in love with me. Things were extremely great during the first 4 months until we decided to go on overseas holiday together for 2 weeks. Unfortunately things didn’t end up well. Midweek at the holiday he complained about my personalities so I told him if he’s not happy with me then we just have to stick together until the holiday finishes then we go on our separate ways. He was shocked, he said he didn’t wanna go separate ways. Whatever I said that day sticks on his mind because we didn’t even have sex in the last 5 days before the trip ended. On top of that, his boss rang from overseas saying that all employees in the bank that he works for must re-apply for their positions as the company is making people redundant. Then he told me he’s been thinking about things and he told me he’s planning to move to another city to find work opportunities. He said he’s thinking what’s gonna happen to us if he moved and he asked whether he sees a future with me. I told him I didn’t see things far ahead and we’ll figure things out when he DOES move to another city.
Fast forward we’re back in town and sorted things out what happened at the holiday. He said he felt unimportant when I told him to just go our separate ways. Then 3 days later he announced that he’s moving to another city. I was furious that he DID that without consulting it with me. His reasons was that he wanted to do this on his own without anyone else’s opinion becoz he’s done that in the past and he’s not too happy with it. He said he removed his emotional side and be rational. On the next 3 weeks before he moved, I was in emotional mood swings. Sometimes I was affectionate to him and other times I was angry. Finally before taking him to the airport, I told him I was unhappy with his decision and that I dont feel important to him. He told me he’s on my side and he doesn’t want to leave his life in this city either. I told him many times I would support his decision to move but in the end he didn’t consult it with me and that what makes me terribly upset. He said he understands my feelings and wants to work things out with me.
Ten days after he moved, I joined him in his town (which he’s originally from) for a week. Similar things happened like when we were on our holiday. He complained that I was being too high maintenance, too controlling, and neurotic. He introduced me to his parents in the countryside and it was very nice. I get along with his mom very well and likewise she seems to fond me. I also get along with his “difficult” sister.
Since I’m back in my hometown I haven’t been feeling happy. I asked why he complains to me a lot and why does he wanna stay with me. He cried when he realized how bad he treated me, he felt like a sh!t boyfriend and sh!t person. He’s also emotionally distant since he moved. I feel more and more insecure, he’s no longer affectionate towards me and never talks about the future. He used to tell me how he feels all the time and now it’s the complete opposite. He confessed that he feels overwhelmed since he moved to another city and expected to resolve things himself. He said he’s not speaking to anyone else about his problems and he said: You’re my only Light.
Last night I asked whether he’s happy with me. He said he misses the nice time we shared together but he’s struggling with my demand since we’re far away. He said the differences that we have seem to be more and more apparent since we’ve been apart. He said I look at things on surface level and he sees things on a deeper level. He tried to understand my point of view but it’s been difficult. I asked why he wants to keep us going. He said he hopes that things will get better.
Later on that night i messaged him that our differences is real and nothing won’t change unless one of us is willing to sacrifice. I added that the distance puts too much pressure on our issues and I blamed him for leaving me when things get rocky after the holiday. We haven’t build a solid foundation when he decided to move. I told him we might finish it sooner than later on we realize it’s not working anymore. I told him Im tired of dramas and I wanna make love instead of war and Im not getting it from him since we keep arguing. Then I list all my issues with him. How I told him he’s not ready to maintain a rel’ship at the moment, how I felt Im no longer a priority in his life.
He said he deeply cares about me and he wanted the same thing as I do in the end. But I told him caring is not enough – a relationship needs attention and nurture to grow. I feel neglected, unimportant, unappreciated and unwanted. I deserve to be number 1 in a man’s heart. I realize that my needs and wants are not being fulfilled by this man. I dont want to stay in an unhealthy and unfulfilling relationship. Then I told him I’ve made my decision and we’ll talk when he’s ready. He replied by saying that he’s not going to list his issues and agrees that it doesn’t make sense going forward.
My question now… do you think there’s a hope in our rel’ship? It’s extremely painful to let him go. Does he still have any feelings for me? Is he serious or even committed to me or he’s slipping out? is there a future for us? Am I allowed to have hopes with this man or shall I move on? I seems that my head told me to move on but my heart is somehow hoping that things MIGHT get better.
The Confused and Hurt
So, ladies. What advice would you give to her? please post you comments and feedback below!