One of the most challenging parts of dating is knowing when you are being smart and when you are being too picky.
Not knowing can be the difference between finding that happy and fulfilling relationship you desire or being a permanent resident of the heartbreak hotel.
Watch this video to understand the difference and to know when you should walk away and when you should stay.
Please post your questions and comments below
Hi Tanya,
Thanx for the e-mail. This is the major challenge for many women. You are with a guy and he’s a good guy, but the question is “is he good for you?”. There is a simple way to know if you are being smart or being picky. If you were to spend the rest of your life with this guy and he continued to smoke, mismanage his finances and communicate at the level he currently does would you be able to be happy and fulfilled in your relationship.
If you could be happy and fulfilled than you are being picky. If you can’t than you are being smart.
A big mistake many women make is that they think they can live with it, things will get better or he’ll change. I’m afraid to say what you see is what you get. You simply need to decide if your needs are being met. If they’re not and you continue you make it much more difficult if not impossible to have a happy and fulfilling relationship.
Two people can be good people but not be “good for each other”.
I understand that you are scared. When I called off my wedding 30 days before walking down the aisle I was scared. Although I knew in my heart I was doing the right thing I had a ton of fears and doubts.
But I soon learned that none of them were true.
The reason many are so unhappy and unfulfilled in their marriages/relationships is b/c they settled. Settling means we know w’re not getting what we want but it’s better to have something than nothing. That may work for a lil while but ultimately the unhappiness surfaces
Here it is as I see it: You deserve to be happy and to be with a man who fulfills your needs. Only you can know if this guy does that. Listen to your gut/heart and you will always make the best decision for you.
if you are scared of breaking up, simply look at that and ask yourself “what you are afraid of”? and then deal with that fear straight on. Do not run from it.
And then ask yourself if dealing with that fear and facing it is worse than spending your life with someone who does not allow you to experience the happiness and fulfillment your heart desires.
Hope this helps!
Much Love,
joe
I have been in a relationship with a man for over two years. We live together now. He is nice and easy going, as well as attractive. But he is not intelligent. He doesn’t read, cannot spell, and doesn’t understand simple concepts in our conversations. I like his family, and I enjoy his company, but our conversations are shallow. He is not committed to his health, continuing to smoke and eat drive through food, which I do not. I have let him know the smoking is a deal breaker for me, but he cannot break the habit. I make more money than him, so I end up compensating for him financially. He doesn’t manage his finances well. I am not sure if I am being too picky, because I am with someone who is committed and supportive and who wants the same things I do out of life, yet there are some major lifestyle and smarts issues here.
I am terrified to break up, as we have broken up twice before and I was very, very hard on me. I don’t know what to do. I’m quite scared.
Hi Toni,
When you “know” that the man you are with is not going to give you those important things that you need to spend the rest of your life with him.
Too many women stay with men and in relationships where they hope things will change, things will get better and hoping the guy will magically wake up and see the light.
Unfortunately it very rarely happens. That is why getting clear and identifying your essential need is so important.
If there is a part of you that is unhappy and unfulfilled it is because one or more of your core needs isn’t being met.
Another great way to know is to listen to your gut/instinct. There is a part of us (which I call higher/true self) which knows what is right/best for us. When we listen to it we always find the right/best answer. And when we ignore it we often find ourselves in places where we do not experience the happiness and joy we want and deserve.
Hope this helps
Much Love,
joe
Hi Angela,
first of all if u are noticing a pattern in the types of guys you are attracting it usually means that you are doing something you shouldn’t be doing or you are not doing something you should be doing. Your e-mail is very vague and I would need to know more info b-4 I gave you my feedback.
My first question is how are you meeting these common law men that are looking for sex? And how do you know that they want sex (other than their being guys)? Is there something their specifically saying or doing that is giving you this impression?
When u say you have met someone on a prescreen date do you mean that you have spoken to them before but you have never met them in person? There is no magic rule as to when you give a second chance and when you walk away but I can tell you this. The more clear you are on what the man you are looking for is like, not just physically but in his qualities and characteristics the easier it will be to identify the right/wrong guys when they come along.
One of the reasons I was able to meet my wife in less than 3 months was b/c I was crystal clear on what I was looking for. I knew when I was being picky and when I was being smart. I could sometimes tell just by reading a person’s profile or by talking on the phone that the person wasn’t a good fit for me.
Do you have any criteria that you use to determine who the right guy is and who the wrong guy is/ One of the biggest mistakes I see most women make is that they often let their emotions get in the way and because they are not crystal clear on what it is they are looking for they waste time on guys and relationships which aren’t a good fit for them
Hope this helps!
Much Love,
joe
well i have two questions 1) why have i got approached by common law men who may also be family men looking to have sex when I haven’t had much sexual partners? what vibe am i sending when that’s not me at all.
and/or
How do you know when you have met someone on a prescreen date if you should give him another chance or end it there? any guidance in this area would be helpful and much appreciated. Thanks.
When do you know you have held on to a relationship to long?